So Be It: Science-backed self-mastery for success so you can prosper with purpose

The Hidden Reason You Keep Suffering (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)

• Dr Amen Kaur

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If you’re ready to go deeper and make 2026 the year you return fully to yourself, my masterclass is now open.  Join here

If you’ve been struggling… overthinking… working harder than ever… or feeling undervalued, unseen, or “not enough,” there is something important you need to hear:

You are not suffering because you’re failing.
 You’re suffering because your nervous system has been trying to protect you.

In this episode, I’m breaking down why you get stuck in painful patterns - at work, in relationships, in your identity - even when you know you deserve better.

You’ll learn:

✨ Why your worth gets triggered
 ✨ Why you start proving, pleasing, or shrinking without meaning to
 ✨ The real reason certain people feel unsafe to your body
 ✨ Why you stay in situations you’ve outgrown
 ✨ How your nervous system overrides your logic
 ✨ Why suffering is often a redirect, not a punishment
✨ The question that dissolves triggers and brings you back into yourself

By the end of this episode, you’ll understand yourself in a way you never have before… and you’ll feel relief simply from recognising that nothing about the way you react is a flaw.

It’s your system asking for what it needs.

If you’re ready to stop abandoning yourself - and start returning to who you were always meant to be - this is the episode to begin with.

You are not broken.
 You are becoming.


🌿 Free Gift for My Listeners:
If you’ve been feeling stuck, overthinking, or ready for a calmer, more confident way to grow — I have a free masterclass for you.

It’s called “How to Reset Your Biology for Calm, Confident Success — Even If You’ve Faced Setbacks.”

You’ll learn how to release survival stress, regulate your nervous system, and grow from safety, not struggle.

🎁 Watch it free here → www.amenkaur.com/masterclass

Because you can only grow as far as your body feels safe to go — and it’s time to start again from calm, clarity, and connection. 🌸

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🧠 Best For: Empowerment, self-help, confidence, mindset, healing, manifestation, entrepreneurship, psychology-based growth, neurobiology, success without burnout.

⚖️ Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace professional advice.

If engaging in guided practices, ensure you’re in a safe, grounded space.
By listening, you accept full responsibility for how you use this information.

SPEAKER_00:

I want to start with something most people never realize, and it's something so important for you. The moment your worth feels threatened, your body takes over. Before your mind even has a chance to work out what is happening, you find yourself working harder, pleasing more, trying to prove yourself to others. You shrink, you overthink, you analyze, and you feel like you're losing yourself. And sometimes you don't realize until you have lost yourself. Not because you've chosen this, but you haven't intellectually made that decision, but because your nervous system has made that decision for you. And I really want you to hear this clearly. None of this, not one little bit of this, is your fault. This episode is about understanding why you suffer and why you can't think, analyze, or strategize your way out of certain patterns. And if you're listening right now, and if you're in a situation where something feels really heavy or confusing, please do me a favor. I'm doing this for you. Listen all the way through because everything will make sense and you won't feel that suffering as much, and you'll have a way out. Let's start with something where you might have noticed this, you know, where you're at work maybe and you sense tension. Not because of your performance, but because of politics, of certain dynamics or the behaviors of certain people in your team that thrive on power, but not on competence. It's not based on how well you're doing. It's based on power and control. And if you're someone who has integrity and wants to lead with integrity, then your nervous system will always feel unsafe around people who operate through manipulation or self-gain. Fact. It doesn't matter if they are your boss or if they're your peer, or even if they are reporting to you. And so you're in a position of power seemingly, your body will sense the threat before your mind has words for it. And this can be so confusing because you could be thinking, why am I feeling like this? Why do I feel insecure? And you will instantly, without anyone even asking, or without anything happening, you'll start working harder, you'll start trying to prove your value, you'll start dousing yourself. Not because you're incompetent, but because your worth feels threatened and your body goes into survival mode. Most people think triggers are just emotional reactions that are just happening. But triggers are normally based on unmet needs. Needs that are not being met. When your value isn't seen, that's an unmet need. Your system doesn't feel safe and it reacts way before your mind can even catch up. So let's look at a different place that you might have seen this happen. You might know a friend like this, or you might have experienced this yourself as well. Just imagine a woman who's loving, who's intelligent, who's self-aware, beautiful, and she keeps getting partners who minimize her, devalue her, talk down to her, treat her as if she's replaceable. When she's alone, when there's no one around, she knows she deserves better. She knows that deep down in her heart. But when she's in that moment of being around people, something else takes over and she starts picking the people that aren't at her level, and she stays in relationships that she knows aren't worthy of her. Not because she's weak, not because she's not intelligent, not because of anything that is disrespectful to her, but because she's feeling unworthy and her worth is underfed. And the nervous system is chasing whatever looks like a drop of worth wherever she can get it. And she can see what's happening, but it still takes over. So when you're emotionally undernourished, and a lot of us are undernourished from love, our system clings to anything that can resemble any type of validation. This isn't a flaw, this is biology, this is science. Think of it this way: if your body doesn't get the nutrients it needs, you keep eating. If this is why so many people eat a lot of sugar or keep eating, eating, eating because they're not getting those nutrients that they need. It's not because you're hungry, it's because something is missing that is essential for your body to function properly. And worth, self-worth works the same way. When your value is being underfed, you accept less, you work harder, you ignore red flags, and you make yourself smaller. You stay where you don't belong, because you want to prove your worth. Not because you want to be in a place where you don't belong, or you want to stay small, or you want to work harder for less, but because your body is trying to get something that you've been missing for a really long time sometimes. Here's what most people don't understand. Your body answers before your mind does, and your mind confuses a lot of the things afterwards. Your body might know something doesn't feel right. You can feel it in your intuition, your gut. And your body knows when you're overgiving because you're exhausted, or when you're being dismissed because you feel that pain, that emotional pain, or when you're betraying yourself, you can sometimes feel angry towards yourself. When you're forcing yourself to do something that no longer aligns with you or fits with you, there's that moment where that truth arises and you can feel it in your body. The mind will come along and start creating a story to explain it and back to, which is maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I need to work harder and they'll see my values. Maybe leaving means I failed. Maybe this is just how life is, and you feel those feelings even stronger. Your body's whispering and you're feeling this, and your mind is arguing with it as though it's somehow your fault. But your body is the only part of you that cannot lie or change the meaning. The truth is you can see things from a different perspective using your mind. You can change the meaning of something, you can justify someone else's behavior, you can rationalize situations, you can try and be the better person and say, oh, it's because of this, that, and the other. But your body will always tell you the truth of your experience. You'll feel the pain, you'll feel the sadness, you'll feel the panic, you'll feel the worry. Let's go deeper. Sometimes the very thing you're trying so hard to hold on to, that job, that relationship, that identity, the old version of you, it isn't meant for you anymore. It's time to let go. And you can feel it. You can feel the drain, you can feel the tightness, you can feel the overwhelm, the overthinking, the sadness, the emotions, the exhaustion that doesn't shift. And a lot of people call this burnout. Burnout is sometimes misunderstood as well, because sometimes we think, oh, it's because I've got so much on my plate that I'm burning out. As long as what you've got on your plate is aligned to what you're meant to do, you won't burn out because you can go into flow. Have you ever been in flow where you're really creative and you're producing so much of your best work and you feel alive and you don't even know where the time's gone. And then there's other times where you're misaligned and everything feels like a struggle. You're just holding it all together, you're putting that smile on your face, and you know you have the capacity to do more, but you just don't feel motivated. That's where misalignment makes it impossible for you to do what you're trying to do. Your suffering isn't a punishment. A lot of the time it's a redirection. Because sometimes your body makes it harder and harder to stay where you are. Because the truth is you're meant to move on, to grow, to become who you're meant to be. You're not being blocked, you're being maneuvered, you're being shifted slightly, move to the left, get on a different path. So here's the question I want you to sit with, especially if you're struggling right now. The question your nervous system is always trying to ask you, by the way, what is the need underneath this reaction that you're feeling, or this pain, or this struggle? Not asking the questions of why am I like this, or how do I fix myself, or what's wrong with me, but simply just breathe and ask, what is the need I have right now? When you're triggered, the need might be you need to feel safe. You need some validation that you're on the right path, that you're doing a good job, some rest, some respect, space, clarity, truth, being seen, being valued, having aligned to your purpose and what gives you meaning. Your nervous system is never overreacting, it's communicating. And when you meet the need and you feel safe, for instance, or you give yourself that validation, that trigger resolves, it dissolves, it goes away. Not because you're pushing it away and pretending it's not there, but because you're actively listening to it and trying to work out what is my need so that I can then get back to myself again. When you stop trying to convince people of your worth and you start listening to your own system, everything shifts, okay? Because you start regaining your power, you stop chasing, you stop proving, you stop shrinking, and you stop negotiating your value and you begin returning to yourself. And that return to yourself is what power is. The more we focus on other people, the more we give our power away. And that return, that tiny moment where something inside of you softens, and you feel like you're landing back into your body and your present again, it's not a weakness, even if it feels uncomfortable because you're having to feel these feelings of being devalued, it's the beginning of who you're always meant to be. You feel good when you're aligned with the potential of who you're here to become. So before you start pushing harder or try and be stronger and be that strong person and ignore how you're feeling and overriding yourself again, please pause, breathe, ask your body if I could have anything to feel better right now, what would I need? And how can I give that to myself? And your body will answer you softly, clearly, honestly, and you will feel yourself coming back into yourself. I'm letting you know what will happen next. Then your mind will try and complicate it. Your body won't. You're not suffering because you're failing, you're suffering because something inside of you is ready to change. And this right here is the beginning of that change. If you're ready to go deeper into this work, I have created a masterclass to guide you through this process, and you'll find the link in the show notes or in the pinned comment. I'm sending you so much love. Till next time.